Haven't you people ever heard of closing the GOD DAMN door?!

Hm. Uhh. Yeah! Thought I would let everyone know that things have turned around for me quite a bit, and it's making me happy. The littlest things have been brightening my day, even if it's a simple drive and seeing 19 motels (no! i didn't go in them!)


And I don't have to go to counseling with my brother for awhile.




I'm beginning to feel like myself again.

We're just a wet dream for the web zine.

I haven't updated in a long while.
A lot has happened since then.

I went into this deep sadness mode where I was seeing someone about it, because I had fallen back into an old habit. My grandmother caught me and basically forced me to go see Dr. Fran. Basically it was caused by a lot of things that were going on around me. My grandpop was sick, you all knew that. He died last week. I felt so lost and alone because he was my main man in life. I cried a lot the whole weekend, because of numerous things. I started sort of dating this guy Emmitt, which I told was going to be a mistake... but I can be stupid when it comes to guys, they know that, so they abuse it. I had a different like for him, but didn't want to make things totally official since both of our lives are pretty busy and we didn't have much time for eachother unless it was late after work or on a weekend. Apparently he didn't like this. He dropped me so quick that it almost seemed like our fling wasn't even real. He was calling me names, and then said he was just going to go out with this girl Ashley. This all happened on Saturday, it wasn't a good day for me since I spent the whole day in tears. That night I had locked myself in Erin's bathroom when he called me and I cried for 3 hours. The next day we were supposed to hang out and talk. It c onsisted of me laying on my bed, under a blanket, texting Tom, and him sitting on the bed watching the game. He was being mean to me, I got upset. Monday seemed like a new step for me. I started thinking a lot, basically trying to coach myself through this process. I told myself I wouldn't call Emmitt at all, and if he called... not answer, or answer the phone as pleasant as I can to show that I don't need him. He did call me on Monday, we talked for a minute... I haven't talked to him since Monday night. I haven't been doing much. I've been bugging Tom to hang out because he's the only person that hasn't been pissing me off lately. I feel sorry for him because all of my bottled abuse is going towards him. Haha/