Hm.

I'm leaving.

Soon.

It's just something I have to do.

Prescribed Pills.

Getting over someone is hard.

I'm having the worst time with it. He's not making it any better by calling me all the time. I've been dodging his phone calls all week because I don't feel like being told what a horrible person I am and that I don't deserve to live my life + at the same time being told that this person cares so much for me and needs to see me. Tidia is the only person that understands my situation. She's the only person that doesn't say, "Well, just talk to him." Why? Because she's the only person who knows what he has put me through. This whole thing is wearing me out, probably because him and I were good friends for a long time. The worst in your friends come out when you date them. No one is ever completely satisfied after a breakup. Sure they say they are "friends" with them... but after the relationship status is kicked out the door, you see yourself getting annoyed with this "friend" more than ever. I've dated friends before. Things were never the same afterwards. The only success I had with life after a relationship with is Dustin. Him and I carry on like we never even dated. We hang out more than we did when we dated. He is still one of my best friends. I adore him for that. For not letting things get fucked up after a relationship.

HoLoCaUSTfactORY: whats wrong w/ u

supp stephh: what are you talking about?

HoLoCaUSTfactORY: i dunno i tried to call u all week and ur not answering
supp stephh: hmm, i wonder why. maybe because i don't want to talk to you?

HoLoCaUSTfactORY: shut the fuck up

HoLoCaUSTfactORY: u wont even give me the cahnce to talk to u. i know i fucked up i know what i did iw ant things how they were before all the dumb shit happened
supp stephh: well, you should have thought about that before you decided to pull the shit that you pulled. as much as it may not seem, i am fucking delicate. you decided to dick around at the worst possible point in my life. my stress level is extremely high, and you are not making it any better. i offered you a step closer to friendship, but you're walking a fine line at that. i told you, i need some fucking time. just give me time so i can be myself again.

HoLoCaUSTfactORY: i understand but steph i just want to know that ur okay i care a lot about u. u know im sorry u know i regret everything ive done but u need to hear em out. i love u u are a great person and i dont ever want anything bad to happen to u. u are stil one of my best friends whether u want it that way or not ok? everything was fine until i kissed u on that fucking couch
supp stephh: ha. it didn't start then my dearest emmitt. we were even fine at that point. it started with your jealousy rages and you being so obsessive compulsive. you and i were bound to have a 2-way war. we are so much alike when it comes to mental issues, anger problems, family problems, and apparently people having crushes on us. we are both jealous people. and you handle things a lot more childish than i do. by the way, obviously you didn't care THAT much about me if you were willing to fuck my day up to that extent and not even apologize at the time. you're always thinking about yourself, what you want, you're pain... everything is about you, who cares what was going on with your own girlfriend... whatever... i don't know... you know i'm not a mentally stable person.

HoLoCaUSTfactORY: just fuckin hear me out will u?! i wnat this all to stop i just wnat u listen to me
supp stephh: again, it's all about you.

HoLoCaUSTfactORY: STOP!! i told u i was sorry

supp stephh: good, and i now i'm telling you goodbye. i am tired.

THAT is what makes things a lot harder for me. His shit. His shit that I can't deal with for much longer. That time wasn't as bad, but still. He knows I want space. We have discussed this countless times. Somehow, he still can't fathom it. He can't just paint the fucking picture on his blank canvas of a fucking brain. Rahh.

I hung out with Ti tonight. Thank GOD I have her sometimes. She understands so much. She knows me better than anyone does. She's been there with me through my best, my worst, and the very rock bottom. She's one person I can vent every bit of problem I have to and her just try to give the best guidance she can through it. She's very defensive of me if anyone questions who I am. I'm glad that I actually have a person who cares for me like that. She was there for me through the death of Shaun <3...>