pretty as a car crash.

Mmm, I've come to the conclusion that I hate flirtacious people. And I know a couple people I know read this... and I know what you're thinking!! But I stopped my shit... because that's how you hurt people.... or just annoy them because you're known as that person that "flirts with everyone." I only accept flirting if you like someone. I also don't like 15 year old girls...and people that talk about me for no reason. I'm not that much of a horrible person.

On another note... I'm not sure how New Years is going to pan out for me. I've been invited to a few parties. I'm not really into the whole drinking thing anymore, even though it's not going to be a HUGE part of a couple of the parties. I'm decided if I'm going to party hop or stick to one. Some friends of mine have been complaining that they haven't seen me at all for the past 2 weeks or so, haha. My bad.
Just lately people have been making plans with me in advance, so it's like I'm booked... or however you want to put it. Ricky REALLY wants me to stop by his house, which I probably may stop in and say hello for about 5 minutes and leave. There's a 98% chance of me seeing Kristen there. Kristen would be Ricky's ex-girlfriend. Now I don't have any feelings for Ricky what-so-ever, but she hurt him badly (he's one of my best friends since age 2, even if I only knew him for a couple months, I would still be there for him; I don't like my friends getting hurt). They had a great relationship until she decided she had feelings for one of Ricky's friends, and broke up with him. She seems to be around him a lot, or calling him if we're out to dinner or even if he's at my house for 10 minutes. It's the fact that he's always all, "WHAT THE FUCK" every time she calls, but then she always seems to be around? And every time before she shows up, it seems like he's loathing it. Once she's there, he's all huggy with her. He's just getting more sad all the time because of it. I wish he would just cut her the fuck off and date Ash. Ash has liked him for the longest time; Ricky is about her too (or so it appears). She's afraid to get too close with him because he's still all about Kristen (who seems she needs to have Rick wrapped around her finger; which she does). It's so confusing. It's ashame because this situation is happening with 2 other good friends of mine. I don't like my friends getting hurt.

I go off subject so easily. Hah.

Mehh, I talked to Dustin on-line today for about 15 minutes. He still doesn't seem to happy about me having Evan chase him away last night. That was hell, but I managed to not let it get to me too much. I was just pissed that I was outside of Tom's, arguing on the phone with him for 45 minutes. It was beat. He was basically asking Erin where I was, shit like that. Gary tried to handle it, but Dustin hates Gary; I'm suprised a fight didn't break from that. Anywho, I tried to discuss with him why it was good for us to breakup. It was a number of reasons.
1. He dropped the "I love you" thing wayy to quickly for me. It bothered me for like a month after the 1st time. I didn't know how he could feel that way so quickly. In my opinion, you're still getting to know how a person is in the relationship. You don't even fully know them yet. It takes a lot of time to learn what that person is, their flaws, their everything. It's also like there's nothing to look forward to after that...well unless squeaky squeaky... haha. Seriously, there's a time period where that love has to build up, and when it's said; it's one of the most amazing feelings in the world when you know both of you have that feeling. I wanted him to seriously ask himself if he felt that way about me. He told me he did. ::shrug::
2. We had opposing work schedules. Whenever he wasn't working, I was... vice versa. I never really got to see him. Even by the time I did by the end of the day, I or he was really tired and just felt like sleeping.
3. BABY MOMMA DRAMA. Everyone knows about Alli. Well, Alli's mother is a fucking psycho. She harrassed him about me, harrassed me about EVERYTHING. She would tell me the craziest shit like, "Oh, you better never hurt my baby..." Ew. I felt like I was talking to Claire more than Dustin.
4. I never talked about him/didn't get upset when I wasn't with him. Erin pointed this one out to me that I never talked about him when I wasn't with him.... practically never... unless I had an argument with him. Laura asked on Christmas if him and I were still dating... I said... "Hah, yeahh." It was really weird.
5. Him thinking I was dating someone else. That was really fucking annoying. End of story.
6. Him flipping out at other people who said I was pretty or whatever. He would literally track down every mother fucker on Myspace that complimented me or whatever. Most of them being people I hang out with and talk to on a regular basis. He threatened the shit out of Nelson, who's liked me since middle school... and Ricky... who's liked me since diapers. I didn't even know why he got so mad over those things. I'm not that attractive or nice to look at. I personally think I'm annoying. ::shrug::

Those were just the main points. BLARRGGH. I'm just angry he took the breakup so badly. Lets move on.






Tonight was okay. Kinda early night. I had fun for the most part though. ;]



Phew, it's time for bed. <3

w00t.

Errm...

So I believe this is 5 write-ups at work? Gary wrote me up for being in the break room on Sunday for "too long." Meeh. Gerri told me to apologize, but I didn't. I told her I was only down there for 5 minutes and I didn't deserve it. ::shrug:: She told me to leave for the night and come back in tomorrow.

celebration guns.

I'm satisfied with this Holiday season. I've had a good time every day for the past week or so excluding the little things, but I've surrounded myself around good people who can pick my mood right back up again. It's a great feeling hanging around people that I don't have to "babysit" through high and drunken stupors. I wish I would have done this a lot before.

My Christmas weekend was okay. I worked through it all. Christmas Eve, my pop went to the hospital, but my Gram says he's okay and will be coming home tomorrow. The rest of my family came over, which I didn't expect... it was actually okay. I didn't fight with my mom at all, which was suprising; plus, it was good to see the baby. I got gift cards and money, mostly. My Aunt Sue got me a Sloan album, along with some Johnny Cash. ;] Also a few books she thought I'd be interested in. I ditched the party early. I went over to Erin's to wish her and her family, and the love of her life, Gary, a happy holiday. I went out with them for about 20 minutes, until Danielle rescued me with a phone call. She came and got me, we drove around for a bit until Ricky called. We got Ricky, then John called... So we got John. We all wanted to go to the city, so Danielle made me drive. She canoodled with John in the backseat as Ricky entertained me up front with his beautiful singing. Haha. I had a good time though. Danielle was telling me how this was her first Christmas with a boyfriend, I told her it was my first Christmas without one... Haha. Well, not counting childhood... I've had a boyfriend every Christmas since I was about 13... No, not all different ones, but someone was always there. It felt weird. ::shrug:: It was fun. We went to drop Ricky off, but he couldn't get into his house... So he came to stay at mine. He didn't want to get shit from his parents for ringing the doorbell at 4:30am. My gram likes Ricky, so I figured it would be okay. Ricky keeps me up by being a retard. I should have made him sleep in the guest bedroom instead of on the couch in my room, but whatever. It was fun to stay up and be silly.

Christmas day, I basically got up and went to work. Wasn't that entertaining. I actually hung out with Erin for a couple hours and ate dinner until Tom asked what I was doing or something or other. We went to Tom's, hooray. Erin stayed until Gary called and she left ofcourse. Watched Friends, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, got told that I should touch "it," and slept with Tom. He took me home at some point, but I don't really remember... Hmm. It was nice to actually relax instead of the running around I normally do.

Last night, hung out with Erin, Rory, and Evan... Tom called and I went to Justin's. Watched pool events go down, I wasn't really in the mood for playing so I sat on the couch. Something was bothering me, and I tried to stick it out for as long as I could... but I really couldn't. I called Erin and asked her to come get me because she's the only one who actually understands... she knows the whole shabang about my deal lately. I hung around with Erin, Rory, and Evan again. It was entertaining. Rory is such a douche, and I never stop laughing when him and Evan are together. I came home, you know... fell asleep and what not.

Meeh, today I slept like... all day. I got up around 12, took a shower and everything, then went back to sleep until I got a text from Tom (5:30pm maybe?). Then I was up. He came and picked me up, went back to his house... Doug came over... Tom made dinner. Yay. Then we went to Justin's, where we always end up. It was Justin, Chris, Tom, Doug, Pat, Kim, and myself there. I played pool, blowed. End of story. Ohh, and I sort of dozed off and some point on the couch.


I'm all jazzed up now. RAAAH!

Ooo.

I like when friends can pull me out of a shitty mood. ;]

I don't like how retarded I get when I'm tired. :/

But anyway, Merry Christmas and stuff.

And I am off to work.

...

I am in a HORRIBLE mood.

I'm going to kill the next person that talks to me.

shimmy shimmy quarter turn.

Uh...

I'm really bored. :/

Be my friend and hang out.

I would totally love you forever.

YAY!

SELF PROMOTION!

I did go to the Great American and ate stuff with Erin and Ricky though! Annnd, it was fun. Annnd Karissa got a job there, and she was all OMFG heyy STEPHHH! Hooray.

I'm in a really giddy kinda mood even though I'm really cold. I'll live. Oh look at the time... it's 6:37... Time for Tom to stop reading.

don't you see, don't you seeee?

I was just really mean to Dustin.

He deserved it.

I basically told him he doesn't talk to anyone unless it's about him.

Kinda lame.

Then he says, "Well you wouldn't date me because I have a kid."

This had nothing to do with the conversation. And it's not even true.

Loser.

It's not that easy to find a nice boy.


Haha, the story of my life this week. I asked about 3/4 friends for advice, they all keep saying the same thing; find a different guy.

You know, it's not that easy.
This is where I think something is wrong with me, even though at this point I don't care if I'm single or not. But Tristan said something to me today that got me thinking, "Well, you're treated like shit because that's what you are." I tried not to take it too personally, but then I thought back... to every person I've ever dated... none of them have ever been nice to me, or they were at first.... but somewhere along the line it stopped. Abuse is involved somewhere throughout the relationship. Drugs/alcohol = no job/car most of the time, and that's annoying. The car isn't a big deal, but I don't want to feel like a mother. It's just weird that I've never dated anyone half decent except for ONE person; Wayde. We were real good friends since we were around 8, dated in 11th grade, then his parents got divorce, Dad got custody, he moved to Texas. We're still friends, talk all the time, and hang out when he's up here... He's the only person that doesn't make me fully think that I'm a piece of shit. It's Bensalem. Bensalem is dumb. So is Dustin Bennett.

my hands on your hips, teeth taking hostage of your lips... your backs against the wall, keeping certain things where others don't belong.

I really hate getting blood work done, especially first thing in the morning when I just wake up. Gaah. I got 5 tubes of blood taken, they're testing me before a bunch of physical shit before they determine my sleeping habits as a mental thing. I always feel tired after giving blood.... And the pregnant hoebag tied the stupid rubber thing on my arm too tight, so I was like AHH. Needles don't bother me, it only hurts when they are being taken out.

I called Ricky back because he called me a couple times throughout the morning... I went and picked him up around 10:00ish and we went out to eat and stuff. It was fun. He's one crazy kid. AND HE PAID. That was suprising. He's one of those people that you can be garunteed a good time with, and one of those people you could always talk to about anything, even if it's completely crazy. He felt bad about how blah I was feeling last night, so he wanted to hang out today. After eating, we went back to his house and played SEGA!!! Oh, it was amazing and made me cheerful. I managed to fall asleep for an hour too. He did have work, and I offered to take him. Which I did.

Now I'm home, extremely tired... but I feel like doing something. Maybe Erin will actually want to hang out today. I haven't hung out with her for a week, and it's weird. I'm used to seeing her every day, but I don't see her at all anymore.... and she lives right next to me. That's the glory of Erin and relationships. It doesn't bother me though... Ricky stepped in to listen to me bitch and moan, give me hugs, etc. I would do the same for him any time. He's a great friend, and I'm glad I have him around. He's proud that I'm keeping myself away from bad crowds too. So, that's now.

Maybe more later. ;]


YCCY

something you won't read.

I guess I'll write something.

My weekend was hectic yet not at the same time. I don't know, it was weird.

Friday: Oh yeah, Wood River. Worked. It was okay, I guess. The staff wasn't completely retarded so I survived. Was still on "non-speaking" terms with Gary, and got my Christmas bonus which was pretty damn good. It made me happy that I finally had money because I had been broke prior to that. Argued with Brandon... multiple times. I actually got him to shut up for once, but he still left me pissed off. Afterwards, I went down to Drexel with Tom to go pick up Doug. I got to see a building that was blinking like it was having a seizure, and I thought it was really cool and pretty and stuff. Then Tom was dumb and wanted Taco Bell. Thennn we went back to Tom's for awhile. Hooray. Ang kept calling me like the silly little kid she is. Ehh, I kinda hate dealing with extremely emotional/violent/crazy/lesbian drunk people. But being the friend that I am, I went. We ended back up at Ashley's. We watched Party Monster annnd I watched them snort lines of Vicaden, which is always entertaining. Pshht.

I got harrassed by Tristan hours upon hours. He kept calling me, telling me he was going to come find me so we could "talk." God... that was annoying. Ex's are dumb. I just really wish he wasn't crazy/psycho/still attatched. He doesn't seem the fathom that I broke up with him hmm... what... 3 months ago? He makes me really upset every time he calls, or I run into him. It's pretty dumb. I don't know why I let it get to me. It just hurts that I trusted him so much and he did what he did, because I didn't expect him. I swear to JESUS that I'm magnetic for abusive relationships and awful boyfriends. It sucks. I learned though not to forgive and forget after the first time, I ended it right then and there while I was getting my face punched in by that stupid fag. :x

Anywho, after screaming on the phone... I got tired, fell asleep on the couch around 4am.

Saturday: Eww, I had work at 11. Again, I was late. I left Upper Holland at 9:30 so I would have enough time to get back to Bensalem. Traffic was horrible, by the time I got back to Bensalem it was almost 10:30. I raced my shower and everything so I could be in work on time. I left for work at 10:50, ran into the Wawa for coffee... There I saw Tristan. He started shit with me, which left us screaming in the parking lot. Steve (a friend/some kid that works there) came out and told him to leave or he would call the cops. I made it to work at almost 11:30. Gahh. Gary wasn't too mad... I walked in teary-eyed and red-faced. On the other hand, lunch wasn't too bad. It was actually kind of easy. We didn't even have to do extra sideworks because we had this dumb pollyana party for Maria. I got a cool ass card from Duano, and a gift certificate for Warriors. I love it, and it made my day... especially the black Santa. Then the 2nd shift started. IT was HORRIBLE. We had a really shitty staff, I was floater, everyone and their mother needed help; YEAH... IT WAS PRETTY GAY. I was worn out from the day, the entire week... the entire month. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and die. Hah.
Then Tristan called me again and harrassed me about earlier in the day, saying he still loves me, and some other crazy shit. Again, I get upset. I tried not to let it bother me too much. Went over to Erin's until Tom came and got me. Went to Justin's. Played pool and staff with Justin, Pat, and Kim... annd Hillary almost dying on the exercise jaun. Thenn I was half-asleep on Justin's couch. Oh what fun... came home at almost 4, I think. It was exhilarating.

TODAY: Hah... work... again. Actually made it in on time (not Tom). Old people are dumb. I work the big Jew dinner and milked the clock until about 7. Now, I'm extremely tired. I think I'm going to sleep.

Ravishing.

I've got a real blog instead of one of those stupid Myspace ones.